Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
