I'm drive I can fine osifer
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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