meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
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