talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
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he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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