Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
