Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
