the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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