i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize