you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
