I forgot how hot balto sounded
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Text me some of your sweat
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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