You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
