Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it hurts more in the daytime
they're like a gay fantastic four
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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