took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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