Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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