What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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