I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
