the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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