mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
