So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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