your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
