how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
