I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
