You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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