it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
