It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
