I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Randomize
