woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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