so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
