And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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