woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
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