you guys were way drunker than both of me
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
