Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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