having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
