Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
