I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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