just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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