Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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