John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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