Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
