i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
