You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
