why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
