i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
