You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Even my vagina gasped.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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