im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
