you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
