just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
