If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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