Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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