Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
