pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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