I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
