Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
