i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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