Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
