My liver just broke up with me...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
