Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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