"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
