Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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