I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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