Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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