I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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