what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
