Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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