hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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