He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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