I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
