can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
