remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
