I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
