my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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