You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
