Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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